Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
This Snarky Puppy Won't be Humping Your Leg
Unfortunately, New Orleans Jazz / Funk / Experimental band Snarky Puppy just has a clever name. It's snark-free.
"Loose Screws" is both a good song and a dating tip.
"Loose Screws" is both a good song and a dating tip.
Married Recently in Texas? Think Again.
CBSNews reports on their Oops: Did Texas Ban Marriage? Blog that in 2005 Texas passed an amendment to ban gay marriage but may instead have banned marriage outright.
That'll teach 'em!
Consider the upside: it's been roughly 5 years so about 10% of you can save a bundle not-divorcing from your not-marriage. This should also be a boon for bars and therapists state-wide!
That'll teach 'em!
Consider the upside: it's been roughly 5 years so about 10% of you can save a bundle not-divorcing from your not-marriage. This should also be a boon for bars and therapists state-wide!
Effective Communication IS Sarcasm and Snark
Over on Skepchick there's a post Civility & Skepticism where they write "Here at Skepchick, we often use humor, sarcasm and snark to get our point across." We couldn't agree more! Anyway, there's a podcast on the debate on that method vs "civility". Yeah, like civility.is.awesome.
Friday, October 23, 2009
This is SO scary it had the nation glued to the TV
Flavorwire has a great post on a pumpkin carving of "Falcon’s delicate body dangling over the harsh cityscape below."
Sunday, October 11, 2009
TWO TWO TWO (yes I know that's 3) Can you answer honestly?-like Facebooky quizzy thingys
Blah blah how-to instructional crap omitted for your reading pleasure, or perhaps that may have been the best part...
I cranked this up to 12 on the snarkiness meter - 1 better than those damn 'Tap hacks.
Part 3
1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
That stayed in?
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
About 6ft away from me.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
I know Juke Box Hero, Greatest American Hero, but not the song Guitar Hero.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
I don't name names.
5.What time did you go to bed and why?
Which time? Why? To sleep, duh.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I tried moving to the couch, but the keyboard cable isn't long enough.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
As I recall, kissing is supposed to create fireworks.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Temporally it would have to be John. I believe we're in nearly the same space-time.
9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
I befriended a number of Y's, one W once but he thought he was twice as good as my favorite, my dear V, so I dumped the bastard. I heard once you go X you never go back.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Isn't he the bastard who OD'd MJ?
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
When Miss Demeanor ground her high heals into my hand.
12. Who took your profile picture?
Paparazzi. True.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Everyone in Glendale (and posted it here. You have to squint to see them)
14. Was yesterday better than today?
Hell Yeah. Yesterday I didn't die - today's still up in the air.
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Sure, but would it be worth living?
16. Are you upset about anything?
Nope, but I'm often upfront, uptight, and uppity.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
If they're priced right. The everyday values at Wal*Mart are the best.
18. Are you a bad influence?
Yes, but that's why I recommend everyone gets a yearly influenza vaccine.
19. Night out or night in?
This is a tough one for me, so I stand in the doorway.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
My coffin - that damn sunlight!
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
That friend of mine I "accidentally" shot while we were hunting. Time to go ... again. Oops, the question is "visited" not "put."
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"If you can read this, you're too close"
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Now? Good. Or now? So-so. Or now? Getting confused. How does one answer this? Now? Damn, make it stop!
24. Do you hate anyone?
Not just anyone, but a few of you in particular. Yes, that means you Stan! Fucker.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Emails... were you expecting a shark or something?
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Is it essay or multiple guess?
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, perfect before sex (unfortunately not after.)
28. What song is stuck in your head?
A stray track by Silver Bullet Band. It happened when I was 5 during a drive by.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Dunno, but they must be on stilts. Scary clown! Scary clown!
30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
That's just sick.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Nada.
32. Do you think too much or too little?
duh.
I cranked this up to 12 on the snarkiness meter - 1 better than those damn 'Tap hacks.
Part 3
1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
That stayed in?
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
About 6ft away from me.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
I know Juke Box Hero, Greatest American Hero, but not the song Guitar Hero.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
I don't name names.
5.What time did you go to bed and why?
Which time? Why? To sleep, duh.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I tried moving to the couch, but the keyboard cable isn't long enough.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
As I recall, kissing is supposed to create fireworks.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Temporally it would have to be John. I believe we're in nearly the same space-time.
9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
I befriended a number of Y's, one W once but he thought he was twice as good as my favorite, my dear V, so I dumped the bastard. I heard once you go X you never go back.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Isn't he the bastard who OD'd MJ?
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
When Miss Demeanor ground her high heals into my hand.
12. Who took your profile picture?
Paparazzi. True.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Everyone in Glendale (and posted it here. You have to squint to see them)
14. Was yesterday better than today?
Hell Yeah. Yesterday I didn't die - today's still up in the air.
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Sure, but would it be worth living?
16. Are you upset about anything?
Nope, but I'm often upfront, uptight, and uppity.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
If they're priced right. The everyday values at Wal*Mart are the best.
18. Are you a bad influence?
Yes, but that's why I recommend everyone gets a yearly influenza vaccine.
19. Night out or night in?
This is a tough one for me, so I stand in the doorway.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
My coffin - that damn sunlight!
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
That friend of mine I "accidentally" shot while we were hunting. Time to go ... again. Oops, the question is "visited" not "put."
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"If you can read this, you're too close"
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Now? Good. Or now? So-so. Or now? Getting confused. How does one answer this? Now? Damn, make it stop!
24. Do you hate anyone?
Not just anyone, but a few of you in particular. Yes, that means you Stan! Fucker.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Emails... were you expecting a shark or something?
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Is it essay or multiple guess?
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, perfect before sex (unfortunately not after.)
28. What song is stuck in your head?
A stray track by Silver Bullet Band. It happened when I was 5 during a drive by.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Dunno, but they must be on stilts. Scary clown! Scary clown!
30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
That's just sick.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Nada.
32. Do you think too much or too little?
duh.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Top Math is Hard Lists
Snark Much's blog has a post Snarky's Top 4 Top 10 Lists of Wacky Holidays & Observances, 4th Quarter
Now, that could be 40, but it turns out it's 51. Go figure.
4th Quarter? Does that mean the game is nearly over? Perhaps she needs a time-out. Of course, with those glossy lips and spinning heart I'd prefer if she hits the showers.
Now, that could be 40, but it turns out it's 51. Go figure.
4th Quarter? Does that mean the game is nearly over? Perhaps she needs a time-out. Of course, with those glossy lips and spinning heart I'd prefer if she hits the showers.
YASD (Yet Another 'Snarky' Definition): "sharply critical"?
Euripides on his blog says:
The Snarky Files. Snarky means several things. I prefer the definition of "sharply critical." Here's my take on some news stories this past week. No real news here, just snark.While we love the term "Snark Files", and agree with "sharply critical", the definition is missing it's humor. And on that note, only you can decide if his posts on the "moral bankruptcy of our US society and within the government" are funny.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My life according to Vogon Poetry ("On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry to you.")
Using only poem titles from ONE poet, answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 (or a million) people you like, plus me because I want to see what you posted. You can't use the poet I used. Do not repeat a title. Repost as "My Life According to (POET)."
Are you a male or female?
Its earted jurtles
Describe yourself:
Like jowling meated liverslime
How do you feel:
Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Describe where you currently live:
Into a rancid festering...
If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
With crinkly bindlewurdles
Your favorite form of transportation:
On a lurgid bee
What's the weather like:
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
Favorite time of day:
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
Your relationships:
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
Your fear:
That mordiously hath bitled out
What is the best advice you have to give:
See if I don't.
If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
Your soul's present condition:
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
Are you a male or female?
Its earted jurtles
Describe yourself:
Like jowling meated liverslime
How do you feel:
Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Describe where you currently live:
Into a rancid festering...
If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
With crinkly bindlewurdles
Your favorite form of transportation:
On a lurgid bee
What's the weather like:
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
Favorite time of day:
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
Your relationships:
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
Your fear:
That mordiously hath bitled out
What is the best advice you have to give:
See if I don't.
If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
Your soul's present condition:
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
Friday, September 25, 2009
And now, a Very Special Blossom, er, I mean Snark.
The Huff Post has a little article about Kirk Cameron's "very special" (cough, cough) edition of Darwin's "Origin of the Species", including a link to Kirk's YouTube video and ZOMGitsCriss's just-oh-so-slightly snarky response:
"The Matt Kern Baby Seal Killing Society" Facebook group?
The Facebook group The Matt Kern Baby Seal Killing Society, describes itself as "For all those who love killing baby seals with assorted weapons."
We can only imagine they mean it sarcastically, as we do.
Ironically, the Facebook category is "Common Interest - Pets & Animals." Yup, that's common pet interest.
We can only imagine they mean it sarcastically, as we do.
Ironically, the Facebook category is "Common Interest - Pets & Animals." Yup, that's common pet interest.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Snarky AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
(we wish we could take credit for this! and sorry for the all caps crap. you didn't think we were going to put the effort into fixing it, did you?)
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. *REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4.. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE: WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. *REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4.. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE: WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Snarky facebook: finish the sentence.......like, now!
Finish the sentences. Then re-post it as "Finish the sentences" (in your NOTES section) when you're done!
1. I've come to realize that my last kiss... will probably be with an undercover assassin with poisoned lipstick.
2. I am listening to... a mysterious tip tap tip tap. Oh wait it stopped, no started. Hmmm, I remain perfectly still, it stops. I wonder what it is?
3. I talk.... talk talk. All I ever do to you is talk talk talk talk.
4. I love.... facebook! (Where's my $5 commission?)
5. My best friends.... are dogs. But they always play poker without me. Bitches!
6. My first real kiss… is I don't recall anymore. Sad, but true.
7. Love is....facebook (cha-ching!)
8. Marriage is.... like Facebook, sometimes fun, sometimes a chore, and always there. Until it's replaced by the next big thing.
9. Somewhere, someone is thinking.... why am I wasting my time reading this? Oh wait, that's everybody.
10. I'll always remember.... my first pack of Marlboro's.
11. The last time I really cried was because.... I got a boo boo. Then I got it kissed, and a band-aid with Jessica Alba on it. It was hot.
12. My cell phone.... There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cell phone is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My cell phone, without me, is useless. Without my cell phone, I am useless.
13. When I wake up in the morning.... I reach under my pillow to make sure my cell phone is there.
14. Before I go to bed.... I kiss my cell phone g'night.
15. Right now I am thinking about.... no, not my cell phone. What kind of freak do you think I am? I'm still thinking about my Alba band-aid!
16. Babies are.... too young for cell phones, but you can get them plastic play ones.
17. I get on Myspace.... but usually it's like mymonkey on myback.
18. Today I.... dismantled and cleaned my cell phone.
19. Tomorrow I will be... bringing it by the Verizon store to get a new one. Thank you no-questions-asked insurance!
20. I really want to be.... a ballerina.
21. I am allergic to.... shrimp on the barbie, or shrimp anyhow. Actually, Barbie too - and damn, if I'm not surrounded by too many of them in LA!
22. I am annoyed by.... people answering their phones in the can. The echo is annoying.
23. One food I refuse to eat is... gefilte fish. Way back in college, I stocked grocery shelves at night. One night I dropped an entire case of glass jars of GF - it stank so bad we evacuated the store.
24. The most recent thing I've learned is.... the tip tap tip tap noise is the keyboard!
25. The number one thing on my bucket list is.... fixing the hole in it.
26. Something I've always wanted to learn to do is.... a pirouette.
27. I have a high tolerance for.... hard-fought failure.
28. I have a low tolerance for.... easy success.
29. My wish... is for an endless series of FB notes to be snarky on.
30. One person I would happily make a fool out of myself if I ever saw in person.... any of you.
1. I've come to realize that my last kiss... will probably be with an undercover assassin with poisoned lipstick.
2. I am listening to... a mysterious tip tap tip tap. Oh wait it stopped, no started. Hmmm, I remain perfectly still, it stops. I wonder what it is?
3. I talk.... talk talk. All I ever do to you is talk talk talk talk.
4. I love.... facebook! (Where's my $5 commission?)
5. My best friends.... are dogs. But they always play poker without me. Bitches!
6. My first real kiss… is I don't recall anymore. Sad, but true.
7. Love is....facebook (cha-ching!)
8. Marriage is.... like Facebook, sometimes fun, sometimes a chore, and always there. Until it's replaced by the next big thing.
9. Somewhere, someone is thinking.... why am I wasting my time reading this? Oh wait, that's everybody.
10. I'll always remember.... my first pack of Marlboro's.
11. The last time I really cried was because.... I got a boo boo. Then I got it kissed, and a band-aid with Jessica Alba on it. It was hot.
12. My cell phone.... There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cell phone is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My cell phone, without me, is useless. Without my cell phone, I am useless.
13. When I wake up in the morning.... I reach under my pillow to make sure my cell phone is there.
14. Before I go to bed.... I kiss my cell phone g'night.
15. Right now I am thinking about.... no, not my cell phone. What kind of freak do you think I am? I'm still thinking about my Alba band-aid!
16. Babies are.... too young for cell phones, but you can get them plastic play ones.
17. I get on Myspace.... but usually it's like mymonkey on myback.
18. Today I.... dismantled and cleaned my cell phone.
19. Tomorrow I will be... bringing it by the Verizon store to get a new one. Thank you no-questions-asked insurance!
20. I really want to be.... a ballerina.
21. I am allergic to.... shrimp on the barbie, or shrimp anyhow. Actually, Barbie too - and damn, if I'm not surrounded by too many of them in LA!
22. I am annoyed by.... people answering their phones in the can. The echo is annoying.
23. One food I refuse to eat is... gefilte fish. Way back in college, I stocked grocery shelves at night. One night I dropped an entire case of glass jars of GF - it stank so bad we evacuated the store.
24. The most recent thing I've learned is.... the tip tap tip tap noise is the keyboard!
25. The number one thing on my bucket list is.... fixing the hole in it.
26. Something I've always wanted to learn to do is.... a pirouette.
27. I have a high tolerance for.... hard-fought failure.
28. I have a low tolerance for.... easy success.
29. My wish... is for an endless series of FB notes to be snarky on.
30. One person I would happily make a fool out of myself if I ever saw in person.... any of you.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Snarky Facebook "4 Things"
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Hardener
2. Stocker
3. Food Construction
4. (censored)
Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Four Viewings and a Funeral
2. The Four Answers
3. The Four Horsemen of Calypso
4. Four Seasonings (Food Channel)
(Hmm, that's a total of 16. Am I doing this right?)
Four places I have lived:
1. At Work
2. Alone
3. With a negligent homicidist
4. With cockroaches
Four places I have been:
1. Earth
2. Air
3. Fire (briefly)
4. Water (helped with #3)
Four Favorite drinks (aye, matey)
1. Pacific
2. Atlantic
3. Gulf of Thailand
4. Guinness
Four of your favorite foods:
1. Fresh
2. Free
3. Defrosted
4. Frosted
Four things I haven't done yet, but want to:
1. Face Book's "4 things"
2. Answer one of these notes seriously
3. Jump on the FB bandwagon of hating the new layout
4. Organize my collection of ASCII porn
Last four movies I saw in the theater:
1. Coraline (first 10 mins)
2. Knowing (last 20 mins)
3. Slumdog Millionaire (not sure, questions 3 through 5)
4. Race to Witch Mountain (only enough to realize I what I was watching and then turned myself in)
(yesterday, as I snuck from theater to theater dodging the 15yr old "guard")
Four TV shows that I watch:
1. Anything with a scrolling ticker - Moving my eyes to read is so tiring!
2. Incontinence Ads
3. The Late Late Late Late Late Show with Regis and the Belle du Jour
4. The Snuggie Show (by far the best written plots on TV!)
1. Hardener
2. Stocker
3. Food Construction
4. (censored)
Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Four Viewings and a Funeral
2. The Four Answers
3. The Four Horsemen of Calypso
4. Four Seasonings (Food Channel)
(Hmm, that's a total of 16. Am I doing this right?)
Four places I have lived:
1. At Work
2. Alone
3. With a negligent homicidist
4. With cockroaches
Four places I have been:
1. Earth
2. Air
3. Fire (briefly)
4. Water (helped with #3)
Four Favorite drinks (aye, matey)
1. Pacific
2. Atlantic
3. Gulf of Thailand
4. Guinness
Four of your favorite foods:
1. Fresh
2. Free
3. Defrosted
4. Frosted
Four things I haven't done yet, but want to:
1. Face Book's "4 things"
2. Answer one of these notes seriously
3. Jump on the FB bandwagon of hating the new layout
4. Organize my collection of ASCII porn
Last four movies I saw in the theater:
1. Coraline (first 10 mins)
2. Knowing (last 20 mins)
3. Slumdog Millionaire (not sure, questions 3 through 5)
4. Race to Witch Mountain (only enough to realize I what I was watching and then turned myself in)
(yesterday, as I snuck from theater to theater dodging the 15yr old "guard")
Four TV shows that I watch:
1. Anything with a scrolling ticker - Moving my eyes to read is so tiring!
2. Incontinence Ads
3. The Late Late Late Late Late Show with Regis and the Belle du Jour
4. The Snuggie Show (by far the best written plots on TV!)
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Snarkly Facebook "Random Questions"
What did you wanna be when you grew up?
still breathing
What's the one thing you thought you'd never do & did?
get laid
Most annoying song ever?
"I'm a Creep" because it's on Rock Band, and I sing it. Now that's annoying.
What are you fixing right now?
i'm fixing to go over yonder crick.
Your ideal vacation?
BnL's flagship starliner Axiom sure did look relaxing, didn't it?
Are you a vegetarian?
no, but I eat vegetarians.
Do you believe in Heaven?
what the hell kinda question is this?
Have you ever come close to dying?
weekly, on the 405.
What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
just my blingtastic Platinum grill.
Would you ever have plastic surgery?
no plastic, only Platinum baby!
What do you wear to bed?
shouldn't this be Who?
Have you ever done anything illegal?
who could answer no here?
Can you roll your tongue?
both "Rrrrrrrrruber-bisket" and length-wise rolls, but not a width-wise roll.
Do you believe in Abortions?
I believe some people are poster-children for Abortion.
Do you smoke?
no, but where there's friction...
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
no way, that would be creepy. I keep Eric Burdon, et all, stuffed on my mantel.
If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
uh, get the check. Wouldn't that be first?
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
green M&M's
When's the last time you cried?
for Argentina
Do you read blogs?
nope, just write them - which explains all my tipos and errorrs
Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
no, but you can come over for a dress-up party. I get to be Sarah Palin.
Ever been involved with the police?
I was their groupie for a while. Please don't ask me how I got backstage; please.
Do you talk in your sleep?
no, but I'm a great sleep listener, believe me. Please do tell me your life story; it's sooo fascinating.
Ocean or pool?
I thought we all decided the best place to pee was the shower? I suppose Ocean is good too. In the pool is frowned upon.
What's your favorite song at the moment?
of all time: AQUA's “Barbie Girl”. I actually ear slapped myself to avoid this song.
Window seat or aisle seats?
middle seat, I like to be the meat in the sandwich.
Ever met anyone famous?
I've met myself - luckily my assistant steered me towards someone more interesting.
Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
this is a tough question for the unemployed guy.
What is your favorite sport to play?
(censored)
When was the last time you went to the bathroom?
about 1 FB list, 14 FB comments, 2 chats, and 6 emails ago.
Do you drive a stick?
I'm a male aren't I?
Are you self-conscious?
I find it easier than being other-conscious. Some people think that selfish, but fuck'em.
Have you ever given money to a bum?
yes, and I've also paid Mariachis to leave also.
Have you been in love?
Courtney? Hell no! Do you have any idea what else has been in there?
Where do you wish you were?
on payroll.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no, but I was hit by one. Oh, the obvious irony.
Can you tango?
not really, but I can untangle, which is usually necessary after I get tango'd.
Last gift you received?
a FB Beer, which is just a slap in the face.
What occasion did you receive your gift?
dunno, it was Monday?
Last thing you spent lots of money on?
Tango lessons.
Last wedding attended?
as a guest, or doing my florist job?
Can you sing?
not unless you want to be annoyed.
Person on your mind?
me, duh.
What's your least favorite chore(s)?
breathing. As soon as I cross it off my list, that damn CO2 builds up and I'm forced to do it again.
Biggest age gap between you and your lover?
Physical or Mental or Emotional?
How long was your longest drive in a car?
about 4 feet, but the hard part was swinging the #1 Wood.
still breathing
What's the one thing you thought you'd never do & did?
get laid
Most annoying song ever?
"I'm a Creep" because it's on Rock Band, and I sing it. Now that's annoying.
What are you fixing right now?
i'm fixing to go over yonder crick.
Your ideal vacation?
BnL's flagship starliner Axiom sure did look relaxing, didn't it?
Are you a vegetarian?
no, but I eat vegetarians.
Do you believe in Heaven?
what the hell kinda question is this?
Have you ever come close to dying?
weekly, on the 405.
What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
just my blingtastic Platinum grill.
Would you ever have plastic surgery?
no plastic, only Platinum baby!
What do you wear to bed?
shouldn't this be Who?
Have you ever done anything illegal?
who could answer no here?
Can you roll your tongue?
both "Rrrrrrrrruber-bisket" and length-wise rolls, but not a width-wise roll.
Do you believe in Abortions?
I believe some people are poster-children for Abortion.
Do you smoke?
no, but where there's friction...
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
no way, that would be creepy. I keep Eric Burdon, et all, stuffed on my mantel.
If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
uh, get the check. Wouldn't that be first?
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
green M&M's
When's the last time you cried?
for Argentina
Do you read blogs?
nope, just write them - which explains all my tipos and errorrs
Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
no, but you can come over for a dress-up party. I get to be Sarah Palin.
Ever been involved with the police?
I was their groupie for a while. Please don't ask me how I got backstage; please.
Do you talk in your sleep?
no, but I'm a great sleep listener, believe me. Please do tell me your life story; it's sooo fascinating.
Ocean or pool?
I thought we all decided the best place to pee was the shower? I suppose Ocean is good too. In the pool is frowned upon.
What's your favorite song at the moment?
of all time: AQUA's “Barbie Girl”. I actually ear slapped myself to avoid this song.
Window seat or aisle seats?
middle seat, I like to be the meat in the sandwich.
Ever met anyone famous?
I've met myself - luckily my assistant steered me towards someone more interesting.
Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
this is a tough question for the unemployed guy.
What is your favorite sport to play?
(censored)
When was the last time you went to the bathroom?
about 1 FB list, 14 FB comments, 2 chats, and 6 emails ago.
Do you drive a stick?
I'm a male aren't I?
Are you self-conscious?
I find it easier than being other-conscious. Some people think that selfish, but fuck'em.
Have you ever given money to a bum?
yes, and I've also paid Mariachis to leave also.
Have you been in love?
Courtney? Hell no! Do you have any idea what else has been in there?
Where do you wish you were?
on payroll.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no, but I was hit by one. Oh, the obvious irony.
Can you tango?
not really, but I can untangle, which is usually necessary after I get tango'd.
Last gift you received?
a FB Beer, which is just a slap in the face.
What occasion did you receive your gift?
dunno, it was Monday?
Last thing you spent lots of money on?
Tango lessons.
Last wedding attended?
as a guest, or doing my florist job?
Can you sing?
not unless you want to be annoyed.
Person on your mind?
me, duh.
What's your least favorite chore(s)?
breathing. As soon as I cross it off my list, that damn CO2 builds up and I'm forced to do it again.
Biggest age gap between you and your lover?
Physical or Mental or Emotional?
How long was your longest drive in a car?
about 4 feet, but the hard part was swinging the #1 Wood.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Snarky Facebook "Finish The Sentence"
1. My ex was... once my future wife.
2. Maybe I should... get a job.
3. I love... reading that the centerfold's love walks on the beach, and puppies.
4.People may say I am... snarky; those not saying that are not paying attention.
5. I don't understand... 'tween music.
6. When I wake up in the morning... I sometimes wonder what my name is.
7. I lost... my map.
8. Life is full of... FB lists.
9. My past is... when entropy was lower.
10. I get annoyed when... there is large localized entropy increases.
11. Parties are... for throwing at Tom Jones; oh wait, those are panties.
12. I wish... is something I say rarely, if at all.
13. Dogs... playing poker is still my fav picture.
14. Cats... screensavers are still not my fav.
15. Tomorrow... is a rotational event.
16. I have low tolerance... for intolerance.
17. If I had a million dollars... I'd buy the rights to the BNL's song of this name.
18. I'm totally terrified of... twinkies; they'll outlast us all!
19. Sometimes I... pee.
20. Being in a relationship means... having relations, right?
2. Maybe I should... get a job.
3. I love... reading that the centerfold's love walks on the beach, and puppies.
4.People may say I am... snarky; those not saying that are not paying attention.
5. I don't understand... 'tween music.
6. When I wake up in the morning... I sometimes wonder what my name is.
7. I lost... my map.
8. Life is full of... FB lists.
9. My past is... when entropy was lower.
10. I get annoyed when... there is large localized entropy increases.
11. Parties are... for throwing at Tom Jones; oh wait, those are panties.
12. I wish... is something I say rarely, if at all.
13. Dogs... playing poker is still my fav picture.
14. Cats... screensavers are still not my fav.
15. Tomorrow... is a rotational event.
16. I have low tolerance... for intolerance.
17. If I had a million dollars... I'd buy the rights to the BNL's song of this name.
18. I'm totally terrified of... twinkies; they'll outlast us all!
19. Sometimes I... pee.
20. Being in a relationship means... having relations, right?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Top 10 Reasons Why it's Good to be Laid-off
10. Immensely interesting reading all the fine print for COBRA, CA EDD, ESOP, Fed UIEB, Releases, etc.
9. Going green just got a lot easier - no 405 car commute!
8. All the Cool people are doing it!
7. My Official Half-to-Full Marathon Training starts today - I can train you too, for a small fee.
6. Bush Jr and I can hang with all the other unemployed slackers at the Mall food court, and make tomato soup from hot water and ketchup.
5. My workout will become routine and strenuous. First step: muscle beach; next step: being elected the next Govinator!
4. Spend lots of quality time on & up-to-the-minute updates on FC, FB, MS, and Lynkedyn.
3. Finally finish my training to become a Docent at the Incredible World of Navel Fluff (yes,it's a real place).
2. Get all the free food and drugs I can take by become a Product Safety tester and Clinical Trial subject.
And the #1 Reason Why it's Good to be Laid-off is....
Surfin' dude! I'm going to be living in an Airstream on the beach by the end of the month. No Hodads!
9. Going green just got a lot easier - no 405 car commute!
8. All the Cool people are doing it!
7. My Official Half-to-Full Marathon Training starts today - I can train you too, for a small fee.
6. Bush Jr and I can hang with all the other unemployed slackers at the Mall food court, and make tomato soup from hot water and ketchup.
5. My workout will become routine and strenuous. First step: muscle beach; next step: being elected the next Govinator!
4. Spend lots of quality time on & up-to-the-minute updates on FC, FB, MS, and Lynkedyn.
3. Finally finish my training to become a Docent at the Incredible World of Navel Fluff (yes,it's a real place).
2. Get all the free food and drugs I can take by become a Product Safety tester and Clinical Trial subject.
And the #1 Reason Why it's Good to be Laid-off is....
Surfin' dude! I'm going to be living in an Airstream on the beach by the end of the month. No Hodads!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
