Bachelorette #1 is a nervous, timid Bay Area native, who'll only meta-date**. After you talk with her she'll feign the need for a bathroom break and then bolt.
Bachelorette #2 is a curvy girlish Los Angeles native kindergarten teacher. To get over a long-term breakup she started and completed her Masters Degree, but that didn't really work now did it? She won't look you in the eyes, but is the type who’d probably quiz you on the color of hers.
Bachelorette #3 is another Los Angeles native, a bitter formerly married 17 yrs soccer mom, stuck in suburbia but with "big plans". She's attractive in a plastic way, and travels to mundane places as a Building Manager.
Bachelorette #4 is a native of nowhere and everywhere; she's a Downtown lawyer hoping to start her own practice. When you mention you work in IT, she's soak you for all the free tech support she can get until the gong.
Bachelorette #5 is an Amazonesque woman who will ask you first how tall you are, and then tell you she wrote down each of the Bachelor's names at the same time as "NO" on her scorecard as they sat down. She'll expound on her many dissatisfactions and loneliness, but punctuates with "but I really am happy with my life". As the last one, you'll end up meta-dating** her awhile after the gong until you can find a polite way to excuse yourself. She’s a nurse-practitioner you won't want to play doctor with.
Bachelorette #6 did an about face upon entering the dating room. Perhaps that was about someone's face?
Bachelorette #7 and #8 blamed traffic from the safety of their cell phones, but surely there was some other reason?
Notable Bachelors according to the Bachelorette's:
* One guy came with a Columboesque notepad, and an endless list of questions. Oh, just one more thing...
* One guy was notable for his "gun show". I believe the Bachelorette's wanted to frisk him for a loaded weapon.
* One guy was funny, and tiny. Oof, "tiny"! That really sucks, dude.
* Two guys talk way too much. Don't they know that's the girl's job?
* The girls talk about the guys in the powder room during break. It's High School Musical Chairs vol. III.
My Observations:
* One guy left his half-completed scorecard of “no’s” at the urinal during break and presumably bolted.
* Some strange guy - not a Bachelor, not an organizer - walks behind me, gives me want I assume is "you-go-bro" rub on both shoulders while I’m talking to one of the bachelorettes and then walks away. WTF?
* I won’t even go into the ridiculous email follow-up I received the next day from the sponsor. I can only say that I’m thankful I didn’t have to pay for the experience.
**Meta-date: Daters who talk about the date, or about dating in general, without actually engaging in the date. (C) Todd 2008
The next Day I received an email, which I've [edited] for humor & brevity:
Hi [cash-tomer],
Thanks for [leaving alone] on Thursday night [that way you'll pay us again for the next event]. I hope that you enjoyed [blogging about] the event!
Congratulations! You are among those people that have scored the highest number of 'yes' votes at any [get a life] event; you have consequently been awarded 'Elite' membership [has its privileges, and costs] status. Only people that attract a 'yes' votes [there english bad hear] from at least 50% of the people [and we use that term loosely] they meet achieve [sentient] status. ...you didn't get any mutual matches. However, each event is full of [nude under their clothes] people, so why not try your hand again? [If that dating luck continues, the only sex I'll get is by my hand.]
Because we want all our events to be filled with [actual breathing] people like you, you'll be able to attend future speed [Donner] parties at a very special [Blossom]. You'll also be invited to Elite Members Only [Jacket] events where everyone has that special something that others find attractive [read: money$$$]. On top of [spaghetti], look out for other Elite Member special offers, including free tickets to special events! [We're just so special, better than those damn sneetches without belly stars.]
If you would like to be invited to another event you will need to re-register. Simply visit your 'My Details' page and click on 'proceed to payment'. [If you would like a drink, please proceed to payment. If you would like the enjoy some appetizers and have food stuck in your teeth during your date, please proceed to payment. If you would like to attend a speed dating strategies class, please proceed to payment. If you'd actually like to write funny stuff, please proceed to payment.]
... More importantly, because we now know something about your [perverse] preferences, we will be able to place you at future [death matches] with increasingly compatible groups of people. [Just keep paying, we'll get it right eventually.]
We look forward to seeing you [heckle our daters] at another event soon!
[Get a Life] - Speed Dating [doggie] Style
If you believe this email has been sent to you by mistake, please contact [dungeon]master@[getalife]
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