Blah blah how-to instructional crap omitted for your reading pleasure, or perhaps that may have been the best part...
I cranked this up to 12 on the snarkiness meter - 1 better than those damn 'Tap hacks.
Part 3
1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
That stayed in?
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
About 6ft away from me.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
I know Juke Box Hero, Greatest American Hero, but not the song Guitar Hero.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
I don't name names.
5.What time did you go to bed and why?
Which time? Why? To sleep, duh.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I tried moving to the couch, but the keyboard cable isn't long enough.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
As I recall, kissing is supposed to create fireworks.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Temporally it would have to be John. I believe we're in nearly the same space-time.
9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
I befriended a number of Y's, one W once but he thought he was twice as good as my favorite, my dear V, so I dumped the bastard. I heard once you go X you never go back.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Isn't he the bastard who OD'd MJ?
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
When Miss Demeanor ground her high heals into my hand.
12. Who took your profile picture?
Paparazzi. True.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Everyone in Glendale (and posted it here. You have to squint to see them)
14. Was yesterday better than today?
Hell Yeah. Yesterday I didn't die - today's still up in the air.
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Sure, but would it be worth living?
16. Are you upset about anything?
Nope, but I'm often upfront, uptight, and uppity.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
If they're priced right. The everyday values at Wal*Mart are the best.
18. Are you a bad influence?
Yes, but that's why I recommend everyone gets a yearly influenza vaccine.
19. Night out or night in?
This is a tough one for me, so I stand in the doorway.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
My coffin - that damn sunlight!
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
That friend of mine I "accidentally" shot while we were hunting. Time to go ... again. Oops, the question is "visited" not "put."
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"If you can read this, you're too close"
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Now? Good. Or now? So-so. Or now? Getting confused. How does one answer this? Now? Damn, make it stop!
24. Do you hate anyone?
Not just anyone, but a few of you in particular. Yes, that means you Stan! Fucker.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Emails... were you expecting a shark or something?
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Is it essay or multiple guess?
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, perfect before sex (unfortunately not after.)
28. What song is stuck in your head?
A stray track by Silver Bullet Band. It happened when I was 5 during a drive by.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Dunno, but they must be on stilts. Scary clown! Scary clown!
30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
That's just sick.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Nada.
32. Do you think too much or too little?
duh.
I cranked this up to 12 on the snarkiness meter - 1 better than those damn 'Tap hacks.
Part 3
1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
That stayed in?
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
About 6ft away from me.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
I know Juke Box Hero, Greatest American Hero, but not the song Guitar Hero.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
I don't name names.
5.What time did you go to bed and why?
Which time? Why? To sleep, duh.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I tried moving to the couch, but the keyboard cable isn't long enough.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
As I recall, kissing is supposed to create fireworks.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Temporally it would have to be John. I believe we're in nearly the same space-time.
9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
I befriended a number of Y's, one W once but he thought he was twice as good as my favorite, my dear V, so I dumped the bastard. I heard once you go X you never go back.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Isn't he the bastard who OD'd MJ?
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
When Miss Demeanor ground her high heals into my hand.
12. Who took your profile picture?
Paparazzi. True.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Everyone in Glendale (and posted it here. You have to squint to see them)
14. Was yesterday better than today?
Hell Yeah. Yesterday I didn't die - today's still up in the air.
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Sure, but would it be worth living?
16. Are you upset about anything?
Nope, but I'm often upfront, uptight, and uppity.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
If they're priced right. The everyday values at Wal*Mart are the best.
18. Are you a bad influence?
Yes, but that's why I recommend everyone gets a yearly influenza vaccine.
19. Night out or night in?
This is a tough one for me, so I stand in the doorway.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
My coffin - that damn sunlight!
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
That friend of mine I "accidentally" shot while we were hunting. Time to go ... again. Oops, the question is "visited" not "put."
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"If you can read this, you're too close"
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Now? Good. Or now? So-so. Or now? Getting confused. How does one answer this? Now? Damn, make it stop!
24. Do you hate anyone?
Not just anyone, but a few of you in particular. Yes, that means you Stan! Fucker.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Emails... were you expecting a shark or something?
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Is it essay or multiple guess?
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, perfect before sex (unfortunately not after.)
28. What song is stuck in your head?
A stray track by Silver Bullet Band. It happened when I was 5 during a drive by.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Dunno, but they must be on stilts. Scary clown! Scary clown!
30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
That's just sick.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Nada.
32. Do you think too much or too little?
duh.
Part D
1. What time did you get up this morning?
Kinda embarrassing, but isn't that just supposed to happen to teenage boys?
2. How do you like your steak?
Not through the heart, thanks.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
This is the US, we don't have any g'damn cinemas here ya damn Brit.
4. What's your favorite TV show?
I only have only 1 TV so I guess it's my favorite, and since I have a DVR, it shows me no commercials.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
IN? As in like a cave?
6. What did you have for breakfast?
The Pilsbury Doughboy - I was carbo loading.
7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I guess doughnut-fried-steak doesn't count as cuisine, does it?
8. What foods do you dislike?
Foods killed on the highway.
9. Favorite Place to Eat?
My mouth. I tried with my nose and while it kinda worked, it was a pain. Don't even ask about the ear eating incident.
10. Favorite dressing?
Catsup, and not that foo foo fancy ketchup crap.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
A Hard Bargain
12. What are your favorite clothes?
The ones bronzed on my mantel.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
The Chance cards tell you where to go, ya damn cheat!
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Empty that bad boy into like 3 or 4 Full shots. Yeah, that's right. Salute!
15. Where would you want to retire?
My bike.
16. Favorite time of day?
Miller.
17. Where were you born?
Well, it depends on if you listen to the pro-lifers or the pro-choicers or the pro-golfer (yeah, I think there was a little bit of hanky panky on the Back 9... Err, I guess it had to be the Front 9).
18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I like to sport my watch on my left wrist.
19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
I'm about last to this party so if anyway makes it this far.... I'm outing Dave. Dave is a closeted non-tagger.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Probably the same jerk who hung "kick me" on it.
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Uh, Dave, I suppose... sorry, man.
22. Bird watcher?
Again, this ain't f'n Britain!
23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I am person the whole day, although when I sleep I can't be completely certain. I could be a werewhale - that could explain the wet mattress every morning.
24. Do you have any pets?
Do they need names?
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
If it was new and exciting why the hell would I write it here - haven't you been reading my status?
26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Bigger.
27. What is your best childhood memory?
Rosebud!
28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Didn't I just admit I'm a whaleperson?
29. Are you married?
No, I'm not marred.
30. Always wear your seat belt?
Only when driving.
31. Been in a car accident?
I've pissed myself, but never in a car.
32. Any pet peeves?
Pet's peeve me.
33. Favorite pizza toppings
Most toppings, just hold the pizza.
34. Favorite Flower?
Any of the dyed ones that leach out into the vase water.
35. Favorite ice cream?
I scream for no man, nor women actually.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
It's fast based on the greased time through your gut, right?
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
More interestingly, how many times have I passed it?
38. From whom did you get your last email?
FEMA. True.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
99cent store... can you imagine like the 72ft long receipt?
40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I had thought so, but then I read back through my diary and I realized I had planned it all along.
41. Like your job?
All guys like 'em. Well, most. Really, how bad do you have to be to screw that up?
42. Broccoli?
Choppin'!
43. What was your favorite vacation?
When the internet was down for nearly 2 days back a few months ago.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Some strangers at lunch today.
45. What are you listening to right now?
keystrikes.
46. What is your favorite color?
Steak. If freakin' colors can be candy flavors, than that flavor can be a color. Got a problem wid dat?
47. How many tattoos do you have?
Just the one. Well, just his bones.
48.How many piercings?
Does trepanation count?
49. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Depends on how long the spray can lasts.
50. Coffee Drinker?
Yes, but I don't swallow.
BONUS
You actually read all this crap?
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