Snarkly Facebook "Random Questions"

What did you wanna be when you grew up?
still breathing

What's the one thing you thought you'd never do & did?
get laid

Most annoying song ever?
"I'm a Creep" because it's on Rock Band, and I sing it. Now that's annoying.

What are you fixing right now?
i'm fixing to go over yonder crick.

Your ideal vacation?
BnL's flagship starliner Axiom sure did look relaxing, didn't it?

Are you a vegetarian?
no, but I eat vegetarians.

Do you believe in Heaven?
what the hell kinda question is this?

Have you ever come close to dying?
weekly, on the 405.

What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
just my blingtastic Platinum grill.

Would you ever have plastic surgery?
no plastic, only Platinum baby!

What do you wear to bed?
shouldn't this be Who?

Have you ever done anything illegal?
who could answer no here?

Can you roll your tongue?
both "Rrrrrrrrruber-bisket" and length-wise rolls, but not a width-wise roll.

Do you believe in Abortions?
I believe some people are poster-children for Abortion.

Do you smoke?
no, but where there's friction...

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
no way, that would be creepy. I keep Eric Burdon, et all, stuffed on my mantel.

If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
uh, get the check. Wouldn't that be first?

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
green M&M's

When's the last time you cried?
for Argentina

Do you read blogs?
nope, just write them - which explains all my tipos and errorrs

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
no, but you can come over for a dress-up party. I get to be Sarah Palin.

Ever been involved with the police?
I was their groupie for a while. Please don't ask me how I got backstage; please.

Do you talk in your sleep?
no, but I'm a great sleep listener, believe me. Please do tell me your life story; it's sooo fascinating.

Ocean or pool?
I thought we all decided the best place to pee was the shower? I suppose Ocean is good too. In the pool is frowned upon.

What's your favorite song at the moment?
of all time: AQUA's “Barbie Girl”. I actually ear slapped myself to avoid this song.

Window seat or aisle seats?
middle seat, I like to be the meat in the sandwich.

Ever met anyone famous?
I've met myself - luckily my assistant steered me towards someone more interesting.

Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
this is a tough question for the unemployed guy.

What is your favorite sport to play?
(censored)

When was the last time you went to the bathroom?
about 1 FB list, 14 FB comments, 2 chats, and 6 emails ago.

Do you drive a stick?
I'm a male aren't I?

Are you self-conscious?
I find it easier than being other-conscious. Some people think that selfish, but fuck'em.

Have you ever given money to a bum?
yes, and I've also paid Mariachis to leave also.

Have you been in love?
Courtney? Hell no! Do you have any idea what else has been in there?

Where do you wish you were?
on payroll.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no, but I was hit by one. Oh, the obvious irony.

Can you tango?
not really, but I can untangle, which is usually necessary after I get tango'd.

Last gift you received?
a FB Beer, which is just a slap in the face.

What occasion did you receive your gift?
dunno, it was Monday?

Last thing you spent lots of money on?
Tango lessons.

Last wedding attended?
as a guest, or doing my florist job?

Can you sing?
not unless you want to be annoyed.

Person on your mind?
me, duh.

What's your least favorite chore(s)?
breathing. As soon as I cross it off my list, that damn CO2 builds up and I'm forced to do it again.

Biggest age gap between you and your lover?
Physical or Mental or Emotional?

How long was your longest drive in a car?
about 4 feet, but the hard part was swinging the #1 Wood.